Monday, January 24, 2011

What is normal sex and what does normal sex mean?

I recently got the below comment:

"Momma Elle, I work is a job where I talk (very publicly) to parents and professionals about sex abuse issues, but interestingly enough the topic often turns to "normal" sexual interactions.

There SO much NEED and want for what is normal.

People are getting an extremely convoluted idea of what sex is or should be and try to live up to unrealistic expectations.

What I've learned is that men are only taught how to satisfy themselves, and don't understand that sometimes it takes a LOT more than just intercourse for a woman to climax which proves frustrating for both.

And on the flip side of that, women are not taught that they should be satisfied and climax during each sexual interaction. Which is a shame, because women can achieve the rare gift of multiple orgasms and they don't even know it.

I wish more women would insist on sexual encounters that provide orgasm for both partners and I wish more men would take the time to learn how to make a woman climax.

Just think how many relationships may be saved by understanding those very simple things.

Thank you for page and insights. Keep those discussions going!"
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Response from Momma Elle: Again, I really appreciate the above insight that was sent to me completely anonymously through my 'Send QUESTION' tab.

SEX: What is normal and what does normal mean?

I am going to say that normal sex, is most any kind of sex that people engage in 'where all partners agree to the acts'.

Sooooo that opens up a lot of territory!

Is gay sex normal? YES!

Is lesbian sex normal? YES!

Is three-way sex normal? YES!

Is an orgie normal? YES!

Is always missionary-style straight sex normal? YES!

Is straight sex on your washing machine normal? YES!

Is oral sex normal? YES!

Is anal sex normal? YES!

Is sex with children normal? NO! NO! NO! They cannot agree unless they are of a certain age and that age is defined by law. So I am going to say that there are some sex acts that are not normal and I really don't think we need to go there.

Now that we got that cleared up, let's move on....

My idea of normal sex is different from neighbor’s idea of normal sex. Please do not compare your sex life to another person's sex life. If you are sexually satisfied AND your partner is sexually satisfied, then you are having a HAPPY sex life!

If you are not happy and satisfied with your sex life, then it is important to do some soul searching.

Start by asking these questions to yourself:

What am I actually unhappy about?
Frequency of sexual encounters? Lack of variety in sex acts?
Satisfaction is lacking? Boredom setting in? No sex?
(see my discussion post on masturbation).

If I could have any sexual encounter right now, what would I want it to be like? Where would I want it to be? Who would I want it to be with?

Remember sex is all about relationships, nearly 100% that way for females, if you are female and unhappy with your sexual relationship, you might be unhappy with your relationship all together.

For most, a great sexual relationship starts with a great relationship. It is important to feel safe and cared for no matter what sex you are.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Question: "How can I masturbate if I have a roomate?"


Question:: So I have been single for about 2 months and I have been very horny and wanting to masturbate but I am nervous to use my vibrator in fear my roommate will hear it and my fingers just do not feel the same. Any suggestions?

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I respond: Oh DAMN Hunny!!! You MUST have one LOUD vibrator!!! Haha!

And…..Oh… and YES! I HAVE a LOT of suggestions!

My Suggestions:

If you share a bedroom with a roommate…DO NOT masturbate unless she is gone and the front door is locked! You will be concerned about being interrupted and ‘caught’.

*Hey, let’s talk about that for a minute. Masturbation/masturbating is NOTHING to be ashamed about. People have strong sexual needs, some more than others, and I would
like to add here that you have been single and without sex for 2 months! I can’t go more than a few days!

So remember that you are lovely and special and DESERVE to have your needs met….if there is no one to help you, it is very natural and NORMAL to help yourself feel better!
Sexual needs are private and special, never let anyone, including yourself, make you feel ashamed or weird for your needs. You have needs; if you don’t have a partner to help you meet those needs, then by all means, LOVE Yourself by meeting those needs yourself!

That being said, back to suggestions!

Situations to gain private space and time:


If you do not have a private bedroom, make sure you have at least an hour of alone time WITH the door locked. If you only have a door that has a key and you both have it, then go out TODAY and install a door chain, tell your roommate that it is for safety! ( she doesn’t need to know your private business!)

The bathtub! I LOVE the bathtub! Here you can lock the door, no one has a key, and it is warm and slippery! You will need a waterproof vibrator though. I will talk about those in a minute.

Your private bedroom, if you are concerned that someone will hear, put on some nice music, music that makes you feel good and sexy…make a ‘sex songs’ playlist, or a ‘makin’ love songs’ playlist. I have one and it is fabulous for both masturbating and making love and even for hot ‘monkey sex’! Though for making love, sometimes you will want really romantic songs, so have fun making different music play lists!

Remember that if you want to mask sounds, use your music, or a fan, or the tv low, etc…
So I have given you suggestions for private space, now let’s talk about vibrators. I mention this because you are concerned that yours might be heard. A good vibrator is very quiet. Ok?

Buy yourself a waterproof one, it is good for bathtub and out of the bath tub, then all your bases are covered.

Lastly, you mention that your ‘fingers do not feel the same’, I can’t ask you questions to find out exactly what you mean by that, but I want you to take time with the lights down low to get to know your body with your hands and fingers too. It is so important that we all know about our own bodies, male and female.

I thank you for your honest and heartfelt question!

I love getting questions and helping others with their bedroom problems!
Thanks for asking Momma Elle what you could NOT ask your mom!

**Message me back and let me know how you are doing and as always, invite your friends to like my facebook page and tell them about my blog here!…I don’t want anyone missing out on our discussions!

Friday, January 14, 2011

All you ladies out there deserve good oral sex!


<(Typography pin-up girl by Taylor Lane)


I got this question a month ago...I think it deserves posting again!

Anonymous Question: “How do I get my guy to give me more oral? I always feel selfish asking for it.”

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Momma Elle answers: Why do you feel selfish? Does he act like giving you ‘oral’ is a chore?

(ok I have to say something here…I wouldn’t want to do ‘ORAL’ either, this word just sounds way too clinical to me, so use another phrase to describe it, something like, ‘when you kiss my sweet pussy’ or when you lick my soft thighs and other parts, think up several phrases )……

Now, If we were talking over the phone on my radio talk show, I could ask more questions….so, let me answer this in 2 ways:

1.) I will assume that he doesn’t exactly act really excited about giving you oral. That means that you have to have one of ‘THOSE’ talks…

sorry, there is no way around it….but here is how you have a talk about sex….

Make sure that you and him have some uninterrupted time for some really hot satisfying sex…I mean the kind that you just lay on top of each other trying to catch your breath when it is over.

Now after you lay there, remember that you planned for uninterrupted time; you lay in his arms and you say, “Wow, that was amazing, you're a really hot lover. You do so many things to me that make me just want to scream with pleasure!” he will have some kind of response to this. He might even ask you something like, “oh yeah, what?” this would be incredibly perfect if he says this because now you can say, “well for instance and you haven’t done this in a few weeks, but when you lick and kiss my sweet pussy, make sure you sandwich talking about ‘kissing pussy’ with a few of the other things that he is really good at…..

now this gets the conversation moving and the two of you talking about it. With your encouragement, he will be thinking about this. As this conversation continues, you need to find out if he actually enjoys being between your thighs, if he doesn’t you need to find out why. Now don’t get your feelings hurt by his answer, just message me what his answer is and we will talk more about what to do with the answer.

2.) He loves sex so much and he loves spending time between your thighs, but he just doesn’t stop to take the time to worship your body in a way that is slow and satisfying. So if your sex life is good and the two of you have a good report, then make a game of it, make a bet with him about anything and if you win then that is your ‘prize’. Send him a sexy text, something like ; “hmmmm I am thinking about you kissing my sweet pussy” etc….

3.) Lastly, NEVER, I repeat, NEVER feel selfish asking for something that feels good and satisfying to you; he wouldn’t, if your guy wanted the same and had been thinking about it for a while, he would ask you and NOT FEEL GUILTY for a second! So don’t you feel guilty at all.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Ahhhhh...Morning sex....Liven up your sex life with MORNING SEX!

Liven up your sex life with MORNING SEX! ----Morning sex is the best way to start your day!

Just a sweet morning quickie makes the day better and makes you feel closer to your partner all day long!

Now some might say ewwwww!

morning sex=morning breath!
But there are 2 ways to fix that! Either keep gum or mints in your bedstand or nightstand drawer or ladies you can wiggle your soft backside against your guy!

Haven't tried wiggling your soft backside ladies, well here are the simple instructions:

1. You must be in the spooning position. Lieing on your sides, your backside snuggled against his front-side.
2. You must have a naked butt!
3. Then as your man is waking up, snuggle it up against his lap, he WILL respond and most favorably!

You have to do a little maneuvering to get the angle just right, but once you have the angle/position accomplished, it is a sweet way to be hugged from behind while getting some good morning lovins'!

Making love this way never takes long for both parties to be satisfied, so it won't interrupt your schedule! ....AND if you won't figure out have to have 10 extra minutes for sex, I am not sure if I can help you!!!

Scientists are now telling us that people who have morning sex are healthier and happier than people who don't!

"Having sex in the morning releases the feel-good chemical oxytocin, which makes couples feel loving and bonded all day long," says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good. "It makes you stronger and more beautiful too: Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection. And climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair."


Soooooooooooooooo....come on now! Have some good morning sex!
According to askmen.com, 'Morning sex can be the difference between a good day and a great day!'

Monday, January 3, 2011

Question: "I want to be a good husband and make sure my wife orgasms."

Question: Dear Momma Elle, "My wife doesn't always have an orgasm. I think. How do I know when she has one? She definitely always seems to be enjoying herself, but I want to make sure I take her all the way, I just can't gauge. And having her tell me seems like too much thought in the middle of sex. Nothing stops eroticism like too much thinking."
My answer: Thank you for asking this question! This question shows me that you are a very thoughtful partner! It is so very important to be a thoughtful caring sex partner.

Now onto your question; if you are only having intercourse and not much foreplay, in my humble opinion, I doubt she is having many orgasms and most likely not having an orgasm with each sexual encounter with you. I know that must make you feel awful, but never fear, you can be the lover of her dreams by making her feel wanted, loved and satisfied, along with giving her orgasms and even multiple orgasms…so read on!

Please know that women need more than just penetration and stroking with a penis to be orgasmic.

A woman’s body needs to be touched. As a person she needs to be held, she needs to be cradled while your hands touch her in all the right places, rub her in all the right places and play with her. All the while you need to be cooing sweet things to her, “baby, you are the only women for me”, “baby you are so beautiful”, “you are so gorgeous”, “I want you”, “I need you”….and so forth…most women give sex to get love, make her giving count! Speak and show her the love you have for her.

Touching a woman in all the right places means learning about her body. Learning which places on her body, when touched, get her excited. You can tell when a woman is excited because she will sigh, and/or her nipples get hard, and/or she arches her pelvis toward you and/or when she moans and makes noise when she orgasms…. (Though making noise will happen ONLY when she feels free and safe enough to be noisy, and some women just don’t make too much noise)….

Now you need to learn to pleasure your woman with your hands and your mouth. Most women won’t orgasm fully without direct clitoral stimulation. The clitoris or ‘clit’, as it is commonly called, is the little sweet nipple at the top and in between the lips (labia) of her vagina. As you rub and stroke this sweet little nipple, watch your woman, see how she reacts, is she really liking what you are doing? If so, do it more, rub back and forth around her clit, gently pinch her clit…all the while watching her to see how she reacts….The rule: The more excited she gets, means she likes what you are doing, the less excited, try other things.

Your mouth, this is when a lot of women have their first or frequent and multiple orgasms, pleasure her clit and the surrounding pussy lips, even the tops of her thighs, with your mouth….visualize eating a ripe peach….visualize long open mouth kissing…you are interested in pleasuring her orally right? If not, message me back, we need to talk…

The sure fire way to know when your woman is having an orgasm is that her vagina will moisten quickly, this will be accompanied by an increase in her agitation, the good kind. She will move and act sensual, she might make noise by whimpering or sighing, even moaning if she feels comfortable. If your hands or mouth are on, in or near her sweetest places, you will see and feel this quick moistening.

Learning these things will mean you will need to exercise a lot of patience, you will want to make things move quickly to give yourself relief, but trust me, it will be worth it when she looks at you with satisfaction and contentment in her eyes.

There is much, much more that I can share with you, this is a wonderful topic on building the relationship of your dreams. I love to hear from my readers.

As always, please message me back and let me know if my advice helped you! Remember to suggest me to your friends, we don’t want them to miss out on our conversations!

BE PROTECTED!

For those that have followed me on facebook, you know that I want you to protect yourself during sex from STD's, pregnancy and unsavory critters!

I have a fun video to share with you to get you in the condom mood!

It's a little raunchy, but fun none the less!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

QUESTION: "Does sex hurt the second time?

Question: I've only had sex once, and I'm wondering if it'll hurt the second time too?

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My answer: First I feel like I want to hug you for asking such a heartfelt question. I am sorry that sex hurt the first time, sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t.

When a girl has sex for the very first time, she can experience some pain, not always, but sometimes. This is usually due to the hymen tearing.

The hymen is a membrane inside the vagina that most baby girls are born with. Not all baby girls are born with a hymen, but most are. Whether you have/had one or not is no big deal. A hymen is a membrane of skin, kind of the consistency of an eyelid, yet only half as thick. A hymen does not fully close the vagina (the tunnel to the uterus) it is like a very thin donut that sits a few inches inside the vagina. This is called the hymenal ring. For some girls the opening is small and even a very thin tampon will cause some pain, for others the opening is larger and a tampon will not cause much pain, and then there are some girls who were not born with a hymen and for these girls tampon insertion and first-time sex rarely cause pain.

Here is a picture describing the location of the hymen and the hymenal ring. – the ‘mons pubis’ is the part of your ‘vagina’ (what most people call the whole thing down there) the ‘mons pubis’ is the uppermost part, the part of your vagina that is what can be seen at your belly. The ‘anus’ is at the bottom and is also called your rectum or your ‘poop hole’.

Okay after this lesson on anatomy, let’s get back to why you experienced pain on your first sexual encounter.

The other reason that there might be pain during the first sexual intercourse encounter is due to lack of lubrication. A women’s body is made to lubricate the vagina as she gets ‘turned on’ (aroused) during sex play/foreplay. Some men are so excited and eager that they do not give their partner enough time to get really aroused. Being new to sex, you might not have realized that your body was not ready. It takes a lot more than kissing and making out to get ready for intercourse.

1st: Be prepared and have a condom ready. Always have a condom ready and keep them in your purse and your car and anywhere else you might think of being when you want to have sex. WHY? You can get all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases! Since you are new to sex, I would suggest the lubricated kind.

2nd : You should seriously think about birth control as an unplanned pregnancy can really mess up your life. Look up Planned Parenthood and call them for an appointment.

3rd: Learn about your body and what makes you feel good so that you can show your partner what feels good.

4th: Never allow your partner to enter you until you are good and ready; in other words, until you are begging to be entered. If you wait until then, you are going to be pretty moist and then along with the lubricated condom, having sex, ( your partner being inside you) should go a lot better and be a LOT less painful.

Lastly I want to say that if your first encounter was forced or was accompanied by meanness and/or any unwillingness on your part, please message me again with your contact information so that we can talk privately.

I hope that I have helped you learn more about your body and sex, please message me back and let me know how your sexual encounters are going and if indeed sex hurt the second time or if my advice helped.

Remember to invite your friends to like my facebook page so that they don’t miss out on the discussions!

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