Women are not taught that they should be satisfied......

Hey all you SEXY FANS!!!  

I received this statement from a SEXY FAN not too long ago: “Women aren't taught they should be satisfied and climax (reach orgasm) during each sexual interaction. This is a shame because women can achieve the rare gift of multiple orgasms and they don't even know it. 

I wish more women would insist on sexual encounters that provide orgasm for both partners and I wish more men would take the time to learn how to make a woman climax.

Just think how many relationships may be saved by understanding those very simple things. Thank you for your page and insights. Keep those discussions going!”

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This is very insightful and I want to talk about it for a few moments…..

In one of my earlier polls, I found that roughly 30% of my female SEXY FANS ‘faked more orgasms than they actually had’. Girls, this is not okay…women are beautiful, sensual, soft, wonderful creatures and it is so important that we feel pleasure and ORGASMS!

For nearly every woman; having orgasms starts with being comfortable with your sexuality, that means understanding that you are a sexual being, that having sexy thoughts, feelings, dreams and fantasies are a good, natural and wonderful thing.

It also means knowing and understanding your own body. Women, learn what your clitoris (clit) is, know what your labia (outer and inner lips) are and understand that your vagina is actually the entrance to your uterus (womb). Your ‘entire’ vagina/va-jay-jay/pussy/etc. is called a vulva….isn’t that a nice word?

Again I say to you, get to know yourself, get to know your vulva, feel how soft your vulva is, feel where all your parts are, learn how you feel as you touch them, can you touch yourself in a way that brings you pleasure? If not, why not? Think about this…ok?

Also learn what your normal scent is, learn to enjoy your normal scent. Be OK with your normal scent, it is your God-given scent and it is wonderful! Ignore the billion dollar industry that tells you that your normal scent is yukky! They have lied to you to make money off of you!

Know when you ovulate, know what is a good contraception for you, (did you know that some bc pills, iud’s and many other bc’s with hormones can actually reduce your sex drive?).

Now is YOUR SEXY TIME!!! Don’t let your mom, your religion, your anything tell you not explore, feel, and touch yourself to find your pleasure places! Please expect pleasure!

Remember - if this post has helped or touched you, comment anonymously and let me know, and as always, invite your friends to ‘like’ my facebook page….we don’t want them missing out!

Facebook Reader Question: "Friends With Benefits?"

Facebook Reader Question: "Momma Elle, What do you think about 'friends with benefits'? Can that kind of relationship be good for girl?"

Dear Sexy Readers, friends with benefits? Who do these 'benefits', benefit?  

To get more information I have a poll going on right now on Facebook for guys only...I wanted to know how guys feel about 'friends with benefits'.

As for me?

I don't like 'friends with benefits'. Friends with benefits is casual sex....why have casual sex? I don't like casual sex. I never did and I never will.

Girl or guy, some of us have nurturing natures, we can be sweet people....'friends with benefits' to a nurturing, sweet person is devastating....very devastating because they care...and when you care, you get hurt....

Sex is not a casual thing! Sex is something that brings 2 people together, sex binds you, sex touches you, sex makes you give a part of yourself and give it to another person. 

Why would you want to do that casually, flippantly, with a no-commitment, no care attitude?

Needs? You can meet that need yourself and in a pretty satisfying fashion too.... you don't need to give yourself away for your needs.....

The best sex is between 2 people who care about each other...anything else and you are short-changing yourself....now I am not saying that you have to be married or anything...but be in a mutually caring relationship...that is where the best sex comes from.

More this weekend after I close the poll.....

but sound off now, tell me please....comment here and let me know how you feel? You can comment anonymously...

Facebook Reader Question: "Trouble with the Fiancé…"

Question:  I caught my fiancé masturbating last night. I know masturbation is natural and all, but...he said he was going to go play his damn xbox, then I come out to the living room to find him jacking off to something on the computer. Lately, he hasn't been wanting sex, and the last time we had sex, he had to finish by hand. He is going out with the guys a lot now since he got a new sales job (up to 14 hours of work a day)... We are getting married in 9 days, and this is a big red flag for me. What are your thoughts?

Momma Elle answers:  Ahhhh what are my thoughts?  I have many thoughts about this, but first I want to thank you for asking your question, I am sure that this is a really tough spot for you and I hope that I can help….

1.       Yes, masturbation is normal and natural and is the response to sexual needs that need to be met. But, when you are waiting and able and willing and instead your fiancé is masturbating to movies or pics on the internet, well that doesn’t meet your needs, and possibly not your fiancé’s either.

2.       I am heartened by the fact that he comes back to you and feel that this means that he still wants you and wants to be with you…so I wouldn’t necessarily call off the wedding for this episode.

3.       In my experience, I see that when a partner can’t finish or be stimulated by their chosen life partner it usually means that they are either feeling guilty for an indiscretion, this can even be an infidelitis moment, or they are scared of the impending commitment and are not really sure how to deal with it.

4.       Both of these issues are not necessarily worth calling off a wedding, but only you can know that for sure….WHAT THEY DO CALL FOR IS…..lots of talking, non-threatening, loving talking. If your fiancé did not care for you and want to be with you, they would not be with you.       

Only you know what your personal deal-breakers are....what you decide to handle and 'put up with' is going to be different from what your friends would etc, etc....

Good Luck and please write back and let me know how this all turns out!

Facebook Reader Question: I feel that I think too much about sex.

Facebook Reader asks: "I feel I think too much about sex. [I feel I want] to cut back on this instead of [these thoughts] controlling me." and again either another reader writes, (I think that these 2 questions are from the same reader)...."[I am] trying to get help for my thoughts, [they] always end up about sex. This issue controls me, [instead of] me controlling it."

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Momma Elle writes:

Thank you so much for sending me your question. I am happy to help.

This is one of those questions that makes me have a lot of questions for you first, but I will try to answer your question. 

I am going to ask you some questions and if you can, comment to this post so I can help you better.

1^st,  are your thoughts about having sex with another adult and are these thoughts about generally normal sexual encounters that are mutually agreed upon?

2^nd, are you sexually active?

3^rd, what is the frequency of these thoughts?

So assuming that you are NOT having sex, and have never been sexually active and that you’re thinking a lot about sex. I am going to answer this question from this perspective.

FIRST OFF…sex is a physical need, just like food, sex is a physical need. If you are over the age of 14 for a male and 16 for a female (these are just generalities) your body wants sex. 

Some bodies want more sex than others, just like some bodies want more food than others. 

If you were hungry and denied your body food, you would begin to think about food all of the time.

So maybe you are just ‘normal’ and are experiencing ‘normal’ desires and thoughts about meeting your physical need for sex and since that need is not being met, you are getting to the point where you can’t stop thinking about sex, ,much like you wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about eating if you were starved, or drinking if you were parched.

Also please remember that everyone that is puberty and beyond thinks about sex and usually everyday! Again, some more than others, but mostly everyone does. 

Men usually think about sex first thing in the morning as they, just by the nature of their bodies, wake up with an erection. This is due to the blood beginning to pump harder through their entire body and thus creates an erection. This doesn't usually happen because of sexual desires, but those sexual desires happen nearly simultaneously.

Now, since you tell me that you ‘feel’ that you are thinking too much about sex, and that you ‘feel’ that these thoughts are controlling you. I am curious if this is a religious issue.

Many religions require one to be non-sexual outside of marriage. If this is part of your life, then I can understand completely why you are thinking about sex so much! You are thinking about sex so much because you have very real physical needs and you aren’t allowing yourself to meet them. If religion is the reason why you aren’t meeting your physical needs, I am sorry, but I cannot give you spiritual guidance.

Lastly???

I believe that:

Masturbation is a good way for an individual to meet their own physical needs for sexual satisfaction. This is normal, good and right and can be deeply satisfying.  

I also believe that 2 consenting adults who are in a deeply caring and committed relationship can enjoy each other sexually and this is normal, good and right.

Many religions put parameters on sexuality and limit sexual needs, wants and desires. If this is what you want to do and where you want to be in your life, then you need to follow what your religion wants you to do; otherwise your religion will tell you that you will be unhappy, sinful and bad.   

I don’t agree with this, but that is another post for another day.

Can the writer of this question please respond with more information???  As always, readers please feel free to share your thoughts with me. You can comment anonymously if you need to.

Guys and Girls and M@sturbation

My take:   

Many are really unsure about masturbation....

soooo... let's talk a bit!

 

 

First thing I have to say is this; many people have a high sexual need, this need is a physical need.

There are some for whom this 'need' is overboard and excessive and would be considered unhealthy.

On the high end, a person who needs sex 4-5 times a week or pretty near that is healthy, very healthy imho (in my humble opinion). On the low side 1-2 times a week is still healthy.

I believe that needs are each individual's responsibility.

In other words, if you have a strong need for sex and your partner is not willing nor available, for what ever reason, your need is your responsibility. Do NOT blame your partner for your need not being met. It is YOUR need. ( I am NOT saying don't talk about this if it becomes an issue)

Does this give you an excuse to go out and meet that need with anyone else? NO, NO, NO!

What I am trying to explain is this: if you are being grouchy, irritable, rude, mean, bitchy, etc...all because you have a really strong sexual need that is not being met, it is no one's fault that your need is not being met.

Soooo.....by all means, meet that need in a quiet, private way...whether you are a guy or a girl.

If you have questions on that, please send those questions my way!

Invite your friends to LIKE my facebook page and let Momma Elle, Elle - Avate your sex life!