Sunday, January 2, 2011

QUESTION: "Does sex hurt the second time?

Question: I've only had sex once, and I'm wondering if it'll hurt the second time too?


My answer: First I feel like I want to hug you for asking such a heartfelt question. I am sorry that sex hurt the first time, sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t.

When a girl has sex for the very first time, she can experience some pain, not always, but sometimes. This is usually due to the hymen tearing.

The hymen is a membrane inside the vagina that most baby girls are born with. Not all baby girls are born with a hymen, but most are. Whether you have/had one or not is no big deal. A hymen is a membrane of skin, kind of the consistency of an eyelid, yet only half as thick. A hymen does not fully close the vagina (the tunnel to the uterus) it is like a very thin donut that sits a few inches inside the vagina. This is called the hymenal ring. For some girls the opening is small and even a very thin tampon will cause some pain, for others the opening is larger and a tampon will not cause much pain, and then there are some girls who were not born with a hymen and for these girls tampon insertion and first-time sex rarely cause pain.

Here is a picture describing the location of the hymen and the hymenal ring. – the ‘mons pubis’ is the part of your ‘vagina’ (what most people call the whole thing down there) the ‘mons pubis’ is the uppermost part, the part of your vagina that is what can be seen at your belly. The ‘anus’ is at the bottom and is also called your rectum or your ‘poop hole’.

Okay after this lesson on anatomy, let’s get back to why you experienced pain on your first sexual encounter.

The other reason that there might be pain during the first sexual intercourse encounter is due to lack of lubrication. A women’s body is made to lubricate the vagina as she gets ‘turned on’ (aroused) during sex play/foreplay. Some men are so excited and eager that they do not give their partner enough time to get really aroused. Being new to sex, you might not have realized that your body was not ready. It takes a lot more than kissing and making out to get ready for intercourse.

1st: Be prepared and have a condom ready. Always have a condom ready and keep them in your purse and your car and anywhere else you might think of being when you want to have sex. WHY? You can get all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases! Since you are new to sex, I would suggest the lubricated kind.

2nd : You should seriously think about birth control as an unplanned pregnancy can really mess up your life. Look up Planned Parenthood and call them for an appointment.

3rd: Learn about your body and what makes you feel good so that you can show your partner what feels good.

4th: Never allow your partner to enter you until you are good and ready; in other words, until you are begging to be entered. If you wait until then, you are going to be pretty moist and then along with the lubricated condom, having sex, ( your partner being inside you) should go a lot better and be a LOT less painful.

Lastly I want to say that if your first encounter was forced or was accompanied by meanness and/or any unwillingness on your part, please message me again with your contact information so that we can talk privately.

I hope that I have helped you learn more about your body and sex, please message me back and let me know how your sexual encounters are going and if indeed sex hurt the second time or if my advice helped.

Remember to invite your friends to like my facebook page so that they don’t miss out on the discussions!

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