Facebook Reader Question: "Trouble with the Fiancé…"

Question:  I caught my fiancé masturbating last night. I know masturbation is natural and all, but...he said he was going to go play his damn xbox, then I come out to the living room to find him jacking off to something on the computer. Lately, he hasn't been wanting sex, and the last time we had sex, he had to finish by hand. He is going out with the guys a lot now since he got a new sales job (up to 14 hours of work a day)... We are getting married in 9 days, and this is a big red flag for me. What are your thoughts?

Momma Elle answers:  Ahhhh what are my thoughts?  I have many thoughts about this, but first I want to thank you for asking your question, I am sure that this is a really tough spot for you and I hope that I can help….

1.       Yes, masturbation is normal and natural and is the response to sexual needs that need to be met. But, when you are waiting and able and willing and instead your fiancé is masturbating to movies or pics on the internet, well that doesn’t meet your needs, and possibly not your fiancé’s either.

2.       I am heartened by the fact that he comes back to you and feel that this means that he still wants you and wants to be with you…so I wouldn’t necessarily call off the wedding for this episode.

3.       In my experience, I see that when a partner can’t finish or be stimulated by their chosen life partner it usually means that they are either feeling guilty for an indiscretion, this can even be an infidelitis moment, or they are scared of the impending commitment and are not really sure how to deal with it.

4.       Both of these issues are not necessarily worth calling off a wedding, but only you can know that for sure….WHAT THEY DO CALL FOR IS…..lots of talking, non-threatening, loving talking. If your fiancé did not care for you and want to be with you, they would not be with you.       

Only you know what your personal deal-breakers are....what you decide to handle and 'put up with' is going to be different from what your friends would etc, etc....

Good Luck and please write back and let me know how this all turns out!

Facebook Reader Question: “Does sex hurt?”

Facebook Reader Question:  “Does Sex hurt?”

Momma Elle says: Thank you for asking this question. 

Venus-Boticelli

I appreciate the opportunity to give you answers to your questions!

I can understand how scary sex can seem, especially if no one has really talked with you about it.

When a young woman starts thinking about liking boys and wanting boyfriends and then getting older and entering into a sexual relationship, whether married or not, the subject of sex starts getting very interesting and maybe even scary!

If you live in a culture that does not allow sex before marriage, and usually this means that girls are virgins before marriage more than boys,  the first sexual encounter for a young woman would be after she is married. It also means that her husband is usually VERY inexperienced. 

This combination can cause problems and make sex seem difficult, painful…and well, just generally NOT fun!

I don’t like that at all! Sex can be and should be fun, pleasurable and enjoyable!

When you are beginning to have your first sexual encounters, never allow his penis or anything else for that matter, to enter your vagina until you really, really want it to.   It takes foreplay to get you to this point. 

Foreplay is the beginning of a sexual encounter, where your partner rubs your sensitive parts, your vagina, your nipples, your mouth and anywhere else that ‘turns you on’. At this time you might feel like touching your partner the same way too.  The more foreplay that you engage in, the more excited and ‘turned on’ you become. This makes your vagina moist and ready for a penis to enter. It is also important to use a good lubricant made especially for sex. This helps with the insertion and that also helps with any pain the first and second time.

Foreplay also involves kissing and licking, oral sex is very enjoyable and can be experimented with too.

Finally before you engage in any sexual encounters, make sure that you have condoms available to protect you both from diseases and you from pregnancy. 

Most importantly if you are going to have regular sex, go to a local planned parenthood and get a good birth control. I like the shot that lasts for 3 months as there is no way that you can forget to take it, and all you have to do is go back to Planned Parenthood every 3 months for another one.

Birth Control is very, very important as it is completely unfair to bring a baby into the world when the mother is young and unable to financially or emotionally support a baby.

I want you to remember that sexual feelings are normal and natural and are OK!!! You are not bad for feeling these feelings.

Please write me back and let me know how things are working out for you!

An hour of pleasure.......

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. 

"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

Sunday Night Summary! 'Do you think that a man wearing women’s panties is SEXY?'

A few weeks ago a guy sends me a question; I actually had received several similar questions and I had deduced that they were all from him.

He wants to know if a ‘guy wearing woman’s panties is sexy to women’.

Of course I gave him the advice that if that is what turned him and his partner on, then by all means GO FOR IT! 

But, he also wanted to know how many others find that sexy. 

Sooooo......... I did a poll!

Here is the Poll Summary!

75% of the respondents did NOT find a man wearing women’s panties sexy to them. (Sorry dude!)

12% are not sure, they are still waiting to try it and see how it works out.

12% said ‘YES” 

All in all, again I say Go for it! 

If you are your partner are finding something exciting and enjoyable and both of you are willing and accepting and NO ONE IS GETTING HURT. 

Then I am all for you having your fun!

Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable!

Foreplay starts in the kitchen...and in the living room...and the backyard...

Foreplay.....the perfect way to get your Summer Sex Sizzlin'!

You don't have to be an expert at foreplay, you just have to have the desire to 'do' foreplay!

Start out simple, use words and actions....foreplay is all about a bit of flirtation, seduction and the promise of pleasure... 

Say something like, "you look so good tonight", as you walk up to the person that you want to have great sex with and touch their lips with your finger....

just stand there for a minute and show that you mean what you just said and how you touched....


Now that is foreplay!

When does foreplay work for you????   ...........   And when does it not....let me know, you can comment anonymously you know!