Question: I caught my fiancé masturbating last night. I know masturbation is natural and all, but...he said he was going to go play his damn xbox, then I come out to the living room to find him jacking off to something on the computer. Lately, he hasn't been wanting sex, and the last time we had sex, he had to finish by hand. He is going out with the guys a lot now since he got a new sales job (up to 14 hours of work a day)... We are getting married in 9 days, and this is a big red flag for me. What are your thoughts?
Momma Elle answers: Ahhhh what are my thoughts? I have many thoughts about this, but first I want to thank you for asking your question, I am sure that this is a really tough spot for you and I hope that I can help….
1. Yes, masturbation is normal and natural and is the response to sexual needs that need to be met. But, when you are waiting and able and willing and instead your fiancé is masturbating to movies or pics on the internet, well that doesn’t meet your needs, and possibly not your fiancé’s either.
2. I am heartened by the fact that he comes back to you and feel that this means that he still wants you and wants to be with you…so I wouldn’t necessarily call off the wedding for this episode.
3. In my experience, I see that when a partner can’t finish or be stimulated by their chosen life partner it usually means that they are either feeling guilty for an indiscretion, this can even be an infidelitis moment, or they are scared of the impending commitment and are not really sure how to deal with it.
4. Both of these issues are not necessarily worth calling off a wedding, but only you can know that for sure….WHAT THEY DO CALL FOR IS…..lots of talking, non-threatening, loving talking. If your fiancé did not care for you and want to be with you, they would not be with you.
Only you know what your personal deal-breakers are....what you decide to handle and 'put up with' is going to be different from what your friends would etc, etc....
Good Luck and please write back and let me know how this all turns out!
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