Facebook Reader Question: “My boyfriend is self conscious in bed!"

Question: My boyfriend is getting self-conscious in bed; he doesn’t really think that he is doing anything. (in other words the question is: Can you help me, help him, feel more confident in bed?)

Momma Elle answers:

It is so important for each of us, not just men, to feel accomplished and worthwhile during sex/lovemaking/etc.

If you know and feel that your partner is struggling with this, it is sooooo important for you to change this dynamic in your relationship.

Sexual confidence for a man is more than just having sex with his woman. He needs to be told and shown frequently that he is enough for his woman, enough in bed, enough in size, enough in life…. he needs to know that you are proud of him.

Telling him you are PROUD of him and why, will mean more to him than telling him that you love him. I am not sure why, it just is…. (Someday I will write about this and John Edwards)

Most men, and some woman, have a very strong physical need for sex. The physical release of orgasm is strong, demanding and necessary; this isn’t necessarily true for all men and in contrast is even true for some women.  This strong physical need for release can make some men very thoughtless when it comes to sex. As their partners we need to help them remember….

Momma Elle Statement #1! SEX IS MORE THAN JUST PUMPING!

Foreplay is very important…even 10 good minutes of foreplay can mean all the difference to a woman! In contrast, when a woman spends 10 minutes of foreplay on her man, this can show him that you think he is a real stud and totally HOT! Make sure foreplay is a natural part of your sexual activity.

Also it is very important to help your man know what feels good to you! Talk to him, say things like, “Oh that feels so good!” “I love it when you do that!” “You are driving me crazy as you do that!”, and so on….he will start to gain confidence as he sees you enjoying all the wonderful things that he is learning to do to you to make you feel wonderful! 

If you embrace these suggestions; his self-confidence in bed will skyrocket and increase the sexual fulfillment enjoyment for you both!