Facebook Reader Question: I feel that I think too much about sex.

Facebook Reader asks: "I feel I think too much about sex. [I feel I want] to cut back on this instead of [these thoughts] controlling me." and again either another reader writes, (I think that these 2 questions are from the same reader)...."[I am] trying to get help for my thoughts, [they] always end up about sex. This issue controls me, [instead of] me controlling it."

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Momma Elle writes:

Thank you so much for sending me your question. I am happy to help.

This is one of those questions that makes me have a lot of questions for you first, but I will try to answer your question. 

I am going to ask you some questions and if you can, comment to this post so I can help you better.

1^st,  are your thoughts about having sex with another adult and are these thoughts about generally normal sexual encounters that are mutually agreed upon?

2^nd, are you sexually active?

3^rd, what is the frequency of these thoughts?

So assuming that you are NOT having sex, and have never been sexually active and that you’re thinking a lot about sex. I am going to answer this question from this perspective.

FIRST OFF…sex is a physical need, just like food, sex is a physical need. If you are over the age of 14 for a male and 16 for a female (these are just generalities) your body wants sex. 

Some bodies want more sex than others, just like some bodies want more food than others. 

If you were hungry and denied your body food, you would begin to think about food all of the time.

So maybe you are just ‘normal’ and are experiencing ‘normal’ desires and thoughts about meeting your physical need for sex and since that need is not being met, you are getting to the point where you can’t stop thinking about sex, ,much like you wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about eating if you were starved, or drinking if you were parched.

Also please remember that everyone that is puberty and beyond thinks about sex and usually everyday! Again, some more than others, but mostly everyone does. 

Men usually think about sex first thing in the morning as they, just by the nature of their bodies, wake up with an erection. This is due to the blood beginning to pump harder through their entire body and thus creates an erection. This doesn't usually happen because of sexual desires, but those sexual desires happen nearly simultaneously.

Now, since you tell me that you ‘feel’ that you are thinking too much about sex, and that you ‘feel’ that these thoughts are controlling you. I am curious if this is a religious issue.

Many religions require one to be non-sexual outside of marriage. If this is part of your life, then I can understand completely why you are thinking about sex so much! You are thinking about sex so much because you have very real physical needs and you aren’t allowing yourself to meet them. If religion is the reason why you aren’t meeting your physical needs, I am sorry, but I cannot give you spiritual guidance.

Lastly???

I believe that:

Masturbation is a good way for an individual to meet their own physical needs for sexual satisfaction. This is normal, good and right and can be deeply satisfying.  

I also believe that 2 consenting adults who are in a deeply caring and committed relationship can enjoy each other sexually and this is normal, good and right.

Many religions put parameters on sexuality and limit sexual needs, wants and desires. If this is what you want to do and where you want to be in your life, then you need to follow what your religion wants you to do; otherwise your religion will tell you that you will be unhappy, sinful and bad.   

I don’t agree with this, but that is another post for another day.

Can the writer of this question please respond with more information???  As always, readers please feel free to share your thoughts with me. You can comment anonymously if you need to.